Category: musings
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Bath-time Rebellion & the Subtle Oppression of Self-Care Consumerism
Despite loving baths as a child, they lost interest and purpose into adulthood (like a lot of joyful childhood pleasures). As an adult baths lost their purpose–and as an adult, you should only do things that have purpose or financial viability, right? And with a bath–what do you do? What’s the point? I just sit there. In dirty water. Of ever-decreasing warmth. Then I shower, because I have to clean off my bath. I could just do the last step, showering, and BAM! Nailed it! I have a clean body.
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Spiritual Faith & Atheism (Psst…the secret ingredient is love)
I have faith that I’m capable of handling whatever unfolds in my life. This sense of faith is relatively new to me. Having lived with general anxiety and major depression for nearly two decades, as appealing as the concept sounded, I didn’t know how to just be mentally in the present moment. It was unimaginable. My lived experience and sense of reasoning couldn’t figure out how it was possible. So, I was stuck in a loop of self-awareness logically knowing it’s a complete waste of mental and emotional energy to anticipate every conceivable bad possibility or over-analyzing past interactions, but unable to fully untangle myself from overthinking. We don’t know the tools we don’t know.
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bloodwork: two hundred individuals (artist interpretation)
This piece was really difficult piece to finish. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the portraiture that was challenging (although, I’ve never considered portraiture an artistic strength of mine). The hard part was the research. As an empath, researching the names of people whose lives were needlessly taken from them takes a lot of emotional energy. This portrait […]
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The things I didn’t say because I didn’t want be murdered.
What woman doesn’t love an unfamiliar man yelling passive aggressive cat calls while out alone at night? This yell is clearly directed at me, but I ignoring the comment and inconspicuously checking my surroundings. Noting the 5-7 men standing near the train platform on my side of the guardrail, dressed in dark but otherwise nondescript clothing. No one else is nearby for at least a block.
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Sorry, humans I love, for being a flake.
Here’s the thing, I didn’t even really realize I was a flake until a couple of years ago. Dropping out on things or annoyingly changing my mind is never something I intend to do. When I was still in high school, I remember my grandmother telling my brother, “You know how Carly is, she’s not […]
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Failure, success, and the looming fear of more failure… | Vignettes of my failed marriage
April 2017: Starting my new job I had panic attack at least once a day the first two weeks. I was confident in my abilities and enjoyed my coworkers, but I subconsciously feared–don’t get too comfortable, because all of this good could all fall apart–like it did last time. Looking back now [especially 3 years […]
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Apparently I’m unsure of my own sexual orientation.
I think I’m bisexual. I know what you’re likely asking, and yes, a person should probably know that, right? Sexual orientation generally isn’t vague. It’s something you intrinsically know about yourself, but I don’t really know, at least not from full on experience. I can tell you what I do know. I’ve been attracted to […]
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about this crazy sequin unicorn sweater you love…
I don’t really know what to do or say. I just feel so completely at a loss. My mind is twisting its way through a maze of never ending rabbit holes of sad. I guess–okay, are you willing to go on a thought journey with me? Cool. Here we go: Imagine this sweater, it’s your […]
Carly Swenson • Intuitive Artist 
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